My relationship with J roughly spanned twelve months from 2018 through 2019. It was rife, to say the least. I’ve circled through phases of anger, depression, and self-loathing in the period since we’ve ended things. My ex was a troubled individual who had a lot of personal issues to sort through. I've had months to accept that I was not responsible for a history of abuse, identity issues, and the like.
Rape. is something that happened to me, that I should not have to be ashamed of. Rape. is what someone did to me that I refer to in polite conversation as “assault” or “something shitty”. Rape. is the only thing I could call this post to remind myself of its realness, and not something I imagined or exaggerated in the deep, dark pits of my own mind in the aftermath.